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Talk:KThxBye/@comment-3575890-20170816175438
I'm tired of crying. It's time to start talking, and I'll start here. With a heavy heart, it pains me greatly to say that my beloved boyfriend passed this Sunday. I am not yet ready to disclose the awful details or truly talk about it, but I just wanted to share with you the type of person he was while he was alive. I need to share with the world the man I loved. Because people need to know what a beautiful soul he was. Out of respect for privacy, I will not say his name. Many of you know it already. My man was the kind of person who harboured all of this pain and sorrow, both from his own demons and taking on others' burdens, and put all of his energy into making others happy instead of himself. Everyone always came first before him. He had a charismatic personality unlike no other. You would know he was in the room without ever needing to see him because he had such a boisterous and distinctive laugh, and it was so infectious, it was impossible not to laugh along with him. He lived to perform for others. Music was his heart and soul, as well as his one of his deepest passions. He had not an ounce of stage fright. He'd be the first to volunteer to sing at karaoke, and then practically hog the microphone for the rest of the night, lol. But it was fine, because he would have the entire audience enraptured. He was the silliest man-baby (in the cutest way) I had ever known as well. He had a playful personality akin to a puppy. He was quirky, eccentric, and dorky. We had so many ridiculous inside jokes that I can't even remember how they came about. He had so many bizarre idiosyncrasies. No filter. No hesitations in life. He was unabashedly himself. In juxtaposition, he had a truly brilliant mind shrouded in intricacy and complexities, always questioning the mysteries of the universe and philosophical things that most people don't give a second thought to. He soaked up information like a sponge. He had a photographic memory that allowed him to remember everything he read and he loved to share that information with others. He had such a thirst for knowledge, there was not enough of it in the world for him. He had the makings of someone who truly could have changed the world. He had such a beautiful mind to go along with his heart, but somewhere in there, there was some darkness to offset the light. So much darkness. Nobody showed affection like him. If he loved you, you knew it for life. He encompassed love whether it was for a close friend who he'd drop everything for when they needed him, a mother who he'd travel three hours for yo comfort, a dog he'd gather into his arms and talk to in a baby voice for the rest of the night, a sister who he'd move away from his home to assist her in her transition into university, or a girlfriend who he'd look at as though she was the sun and moon. I hope to god he knows how much I loved him too. He was so many people's rock, but little did we truly understand, he needed a rock of his own. In that respect, I failed him and I will carry that guilt with me forever. In these last 72 hours, I have been mourning only the loss of him, but I want to celebrate the Man I loved. 72 hours ago, I was independent, stable, and happy. Now my life has been completely uprooted and changed forever as I know it. It's in shambles. But today, I have my first grief counselling session and for the first time in a while I have hope. I know I will survive this. I will never be the same, but life will go on as he would want it to for me. I have already written my eulogy for him that thankfully my friend will read for me on my behalf, and I've found the perfect true purple dress (his favourite color ever) worthy of him for his funeral. Keeping busy has helped immensely, but the funeral itself is going to bring on a whole other wave of emotions I'm not ready for because even though I've accepted it, even though I know he's gone, it still doesn't feel real and it's about to very soon. Nevertheless, there are no regrets. The small lifetime we had together is a blessing I will carry in my heart forever.